A Year Past Rejection

“The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love now is mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.”

 -- J. R. R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring.

A year ago today, I posted this picture and quote after walking around my subdivision at twilight in a bit of a daze. The previous Friday, I rode the bus to uni nearly crying because nothing seemed to be working out. By the following Wednesday, I had a full scholarship to write my PhD at the university of my dreams.

It’s been a year now, and within the next few days I’ll be submitting my thesis outline and first chapter for review by the department. It’s been an amazing year, full of plays, concerts, travel, church events, friends, and (occasionally) academic work. The year hasn’t been everything I expected, but, in many ways, it’s been so much better.

 

Now more than ever, though, I’m glad this PhD position didn’t fall into my lap. I’m so thankful for those months last year where I felt rejected, and alone, and a failure.

Writing a PhD is hard work. The hours are long, the expectations are high, and the paperwork is never-ending.

What’s most difficult about the PhD, though, isn’t the work itself—it’s finding the motivation to actually do the work. It’s putting in the hours at the office when people tell you, “You’re just a first year; you don’t need to work so hard.” It’s managing to care about some entertainment that Queen Elizabeth saw in 1575 when it seems like everyone else’s project is so much more interesting and relevant. It’s keeping a smile on your face when your supervisor is disappointed and you feel you can never be a real academic.

Basically, doing a PhD is about managing your imperfections in a system that expects constant perfection.

For me, as a Christian, doing my PhD is about daily acknowledging that I’m not doing this on my own strength. I’m so flawed, so inadequate, but God has given me an amazing opportunity and He will guide me through it.

That’s why I’m glad my PhD applications weren’t a glorious string of acceptances. Because now I know that I’m not here because of my intelligence, or my academic excellence, or my copious extracurriculars.

Facing rejection before starting my PhD taught me that I am very much not perfect, but neither do I have to be. And now, whether my friends are complimenting me on a theatrical performance or my supervisor is tearing my chapter to shreds, I have absolute confidence that I am valuable not because I can somehow achieve perfection, but because He strengthens me.

Day 31: One Month!

A month ago today, to the hour in fact (and I mean the hour that I’m writing this, not posting it, because, you know, editing takes time), I arrived in St. Andrew’s.

It’s been a whirlwind ride. Life is only now finally fitting itself into a routine, and, for better or for worse, that routine actually involves a lot of school work. The first few weeks were like a vacation, but now I spend most of my time in my room hunched over a book. Things should get better in a few weeks, though, once my two major essays are handed in and I’ve written the Old English Vocabulary test.

 

(Old English Word of the Day: anfloga means “solitary flyer” and its only recorded use is in an elegy known as “The Seafarer.” I’m not quite sure why I love this word so much, but I think it’s because its flowing sound captures both the sadness and beauty of being alone.)

I realized the other day that being here for one month means that I have already lived through a 9^th of my time in Scotland. Now, I know that a 9^th isn’t exactly a huge fraction, but it is a substantial chunk. I’m not a complete newbie anymore… and I don’t have unlimited time ahead of me.

 

I don’t think too much about how many days I have left, though, because I simply don’t have the time to mope about how my time here won’t last forever. Aside from school work, I’ve settled on these activities:

Christian meetings such as bible studies, worship nights, and prayer meetings happen nearly every day. The Christian community here has just been so welcoming and kind that I felt right at home from day one. Definitely an answer to prayer! The Christian Union also lets me get a little more involved in giving back to the town, by volunteering at Toastie bar (which sells 50p toasties and donates the proceeds to charity) or doing yard work for elderly neighbours.

 

Performing Arts are also a huge part of my life here. While I’ve had to drop my dance class due to a scheduling conflict (sadness…), I landed a lead-chorus role in the Gilbert and Sullivan Society’s Iolanthe, which rehearses twice a week until the show in mid-November. I’m also co-directing (and possibly teching) one of the Freshers Plays (plays put on entirely by Freshers), and auditions for that start next week. Finally, the St. Andrew’s choir, with over 150 members, is singing Handel’s Messiah this year, so I’m considering joining.

I’ve been trying to write a bit, by keeping this blog going and writing for the student newspapers of both St. Andrew’s and King’s back in Canada. The creative writing society, Inklight, frequently hosts workshops, which I attend whenever possible. A couple people I’ve met are also into writing, so we’re trying to encourage each other and might end up collaborating on a play, if we can get our act together (no pun intended).

Getting so involved in St. Andrews has made me realize just how silly it was of me not to be more active in student life back home. I may have had an excuse—the school workload was definitely heavier—but I missed out on so much by not auditioning for plays or going to writing workshops or volunteering or joining Campus for Christ. Academics were definitely a priority, but there was so much more I could have done at Western. And now I’ll never get the chance…

 

Well, then. No use moping over a couple partly wasted years. Time to stop blogging and head out to paint the elderly neighbour’s fence, then off to Iolanthe read-through, and then Bible study…

(NOTE: The random flower pictures are from an afternoon when Kayla (one of the other Canadian exchange students) and I visited the Botanical Gardens and I went a little crazy with the macro setting on my camera.)

I'm Going to be Published!

Well... sort of. As I mentioned last week, I do have some big news for you. No, I don't have a book deal, or even an agent, but I have taken another step along the writing pathway. I am now a regular columnist for the Divine Debutantes magazine!

Let me tell you how it happened. I had never heard of Divine Debutantes (a Christian girls club) or their magazine, since the club exists mainly in the US. When I received an email on Tuesday from the magazine's editor, I very nearly deleted it thinking that it was either spam, or an author newsletter that I had signed up for but wasn't actually interested in reading. However, I did actually open the email, and I was shocked to find an offer to write for a Christian girl's magazine! Apparently the editor read my blog and liked how I wrote my book reviews from a Christian perspective.

Now, for each issue of the quarterly magazine, I'll write a book review on one recent YA novel. This won't be a huge time commitment, but I'll be seeing my work in print regularly. Also, I'll be reaching out to a whole new audience and helping them find good books to read. I've been doing this for a year on my blog, and now I'm excited to take it to a whole new level.

Perhaps what I love most about this new opportunity is the fact that it came to me; I didn't search it out. I've considered contacting magazines and asking to write for them, but in this case the magazine contacted me. This proves firstly that I do have an effective online presence. People can find my blog, and they're reading it. As a blogger, it's sometimes hard to know if I am reaching and engaging my audience; this offer proves that I am. As an author, it's wonderful to have an audience interested in my work.

Also, (to head off on a more philosophical/religious tangent) I've recently been going through a What-In-The-World-Am-I-Supposed-To-Do-With-My-Life phase. Frankly, I have so many open paths, and I'm not sure which one God wants me to be on. Then, last Tuesday, I get this opportunity in the world of books, and I got back my university marks (which were mostly better than I expected). It's never a good idea to read too much into these things, but I'll take these successes as a sign that I am where God wants me to be.

Christian Posters

A friend of mine who's a really talented artist made up some cool Christian posters awhile ago. Now, I know this is a writing blog and these posters have absolutely nothing to do with writing, but I felt like these posters have a wider audience than just a few people on facebook. He gave me permission to put them on the blog, so I decided to show them to all of you.

I thought this one was need because it's a symbol we all see so often. Now, whenever I see the recycling symbol, this is what I think of. 

I'm assuming this is actually the Ford slogan (but I know nothing about cars, so I could be wrong.) If so, this is really clever. I know some people don't approve of this poster because they think it makes fun of God, but I think it really just shows how pathetic Ford is next to our Lord. 

Now, I hate UFC (I think it's stupid) so I think this poster is cool because whenever I hear about UFC, instead of thinking about two guys fighting each other, I think about God instead.

This one's just clever. :)

What do you guys think? Feel free to share. :)

Welcome!

I am Elanor Lawrence, a Young Adult author currently seeking representation. In publishing lingo, that means that I haven’t been published yet but I’m seriously working at it. I also love acting and I write and direct my own plays as well as take Musical Theatre classes. I’m seventeen years old and was homeschooled for most of my life, but now I’m in my first semester of University. Hopefully in four more years I’ll end up with an BA, majoring in English. Right now I live on Prince Edward Island (Canada) and go to UPEI, but hopefully next year I’ll head over to the University of Western Ontario in London, ON.

Jesus is my savior, and I try to do everything for him. While I often fail at that, I pray that he will use me for His glory. This blog is part of my effort to live for him; everything I write on here will be from a Christian perspective. My book/movie/music reviews will all have a section dealing especially with the religious themes in the art. While I will try to be understanding of other people’s views, I will not compromise my beliefs.

What will I be talking about? As I mentioned in the previous paragraph, I will have reviews of books, movies and music, as well as keeping you up to date about my writing and the road to becoming a published author. I’m a member of the website inkpop.com, and occasionally I will feature users or project from that site, as well as writing tips that I’ve learned from critiquing over 400 stories. I’ll have a column of interesting facts that I learn at University and the scoop about how I, as a homeschooler, got into University in the first place. I might talk a bit about modest fashion trends, and tell anecdotes from life on the Island and my experiences in the arts community of PEI. All in all, this is going to be a blog with a lot of different posts.

My schedule for the first while:
Tuesday: Book Review
Thursday: Writing Series (How to Create Interesting Main Characters)
Saturday: Life of a Homeschooled English Major on Prince Edward Island

Feel free to comment; I’d love to hear your thoughts about anything I post. If you have any questions, or would like me to address a specific issue, then let me know and I’ll do my best.

Thanks for reading,
~Elanor