A Year Past Rejection

“The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love now is mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.”

 -- J. R. R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring.

A year ago today, I posted this picture and quote after walking around my subdivision at twilight in a bit of a daze. The previous Friday, I rode the bus to uni nearly crying because nothing seemed to be working out. By the following Wednesday, I had a full scholarship to write my PhD at the university of my dreams.

It’s been a year now, and within the next few days I’ll be submitting my thesis outline and first chapter for review by the department. It’s been an amazing year, full of plays, concerts, travel, church events, friends, and (occasionally) academic work. The year hasn’t been everything I expected, but, in many ways, it’s been so much better.

 

Now more than ever, though, I’m glad this PhD position didn’t fall into my lap. I’m so thankful for those months last year where I felt rejected, and alone, and a failure.

Writing a PhD is hard work. The hours are long, the expectations are high, and the paperwork is never-ending.

What’s most difficult about the PhD, though, isn’t the work itself—it’s finding the motivation to actually do the work. It’s putting in the hours at the office when people tell you, “You’re just a first year; you don’t need to work so hard.” It’s managing to care about some entertainment that Queen Elizabeth saw in 1575 when it seems like everyone else’s project is so much more interesting and relevant. It’s keeping a smile on your face when your supervisor is disappointed and you feel you can never be a real academic.

Basically, doing a PhD is about managing your imperfections in a system that expects constant perfection.

For me, as a Christian, doing my PhD is about daily acknowledging that I’m not doing this on my own strength. I’m so flawed, so inadequate, but God has given me an amazing opportunity and He will guide me through it.

That’s why I’m glad my PhD applications weren’t a glorious string of acceptances. Because now I know that I’m not here because of my intelligence, or my academic excellence, or my copious extracurriculars.

Facing rejection before starting my PhD taught me that I am very much not perfect, but neither do I have to be. And now, whether my friends are complimenting me on a theatrical performance or my supervisor is tearing my chapter to shreds, I have absolute confidence that I am valuable not because I can somehow achieve perfection, but because He strengthens me.

Day 150: Well, I'm Back

“But Sam turned to Bywater, and so came back up the Hill, as day was ending once more. And he went on, and there was yellow light, and fire within; and the evening meal was ready, and he was expected. And Rose drew him in, and set him in his chair, and put little Elanor upon his lap.
He drew a deep breath. ‘Well, I’m back,’ he said.”

-- J. R. R. Tolkien, The Return of the King

Final day in St. Andrews- a walk on the 18th hole of the Old Course

Day 150. I’ve been back in Canada for 150 days. Yikes.

It’s been good, for the most part. I won’t lie and say that it wasn’t hard to leave Scotland and that every moment back in Canada has been amazing and that I never want to leave here again. Coming back was difficult and stressful and full of reverse culture shock and longing for cobbled streets and old stone buildings.

But, despite all that, it has been good to come back. I needed to return to Canada and see my country through new eyes. Yes, there are plenty of things that now frustrate me, like how spread out everything is or how people don’t know how to queue or how no one properly appreciates a good cup of tea. Yet, there are so many things I do appreciate, like proper malls and nice airports and heated houses and having all my clothes with me and having a family who knows me so well and loves me anyways.

I’m glad to have returned. I don’t think it would have been good for me to have stayed away much longer. Living the crazy life of an exchange student, it’s far too easy to forget that “home”—whatever that word means—does actually matter.

That’s the problem with going on exchange: it’s so temporary… and so exciting for that very reason. During my one year at St. Andrews I packed in several years’ worth of travel and theatre-going and celebrity-meeting. I did so much that home couldn’t help but feel boring… but I only did so much because I wasn’t at home. My friends who call Britain home could have done just as much as I did, but they didn’t, because they were at home. It was the exchange that gave me license to have such an amazing year, not the living in Britain.

An exchange is fundamentally transitory. It’s got an absolute beginning and end. It’s like a little bubble space off of real life. I never want to say that it has no bearing on real life, because it absolutely does, but it still is a special time that must end. I might even go as far as to say that the fact that an exchange year ends is ultimately what makes it all worthwhile.

That’s why I had to come back. Because returning to Canada and reevaluating my homeland also allows me to look back and appreciate Scotland for what it was: a life changing year. My year abroad changed me in so many ways that didn’t even become evident until I came back. It’s all well and good to reinvent yourself in a new country, but the real test is when you come back “home.”

This probably all sounds too final, like I’m content return home and put my exchange year behind me. That’s not true at all. Right now I’m doing all I can to get myself back to Britain and I still don’t particularly want to stay in Canada long term. But I know that returning here was important, even essential, and I’m so glad, after 150 days, that I came back. 

The Wonders of Non-Fiction

One of the most wonderful things about working in a library is that I’m surrounded by hundreds of books. Conversely, one of the worst things is that I’m surrounded by hundreds of books. Shelving definitely takes a lot longer when you’re constantly stopping to read a back cover or the inside flap.

Sometimes, I can pass this lollygagging off as work. If I stop to read a children’s book, for instance, I can say that I’m just looking for good books for kids’ story time. Or, if I take a good look at a YA novel, I’m ‘researching’ so I can make better recommendations when someone comes in looking for a book.

Today, though, I got a little sidetracked in the non-fiction section. Normally, I tend to think of non-fiction as being sort of dull, just the bare facts. Today, though, there were all sorts of interesting books. There were author biographies, Tolkien’s essays on Norse mythology, true crime, a man who went a year without money, how autistic children relate to animals, and my personal favourite, How to Avoid being Killed in a War Zone (no, that’s not a joke. It’s a legit book for people travelling to war zones).

As fiction writers, I think we should be reading non-fiction just as much as fiction. There’s nothing like reading a book on schizophrenia to help you write about a character with mental illness. If your main character is an actress, read a book about audition prep. If you’re writing an international thriller, read about how to avoid being killed in a war zone.

So often, if we only read fiction, we tend to see the world as authors represent it, not as it really is. Now, I’m not trying to suggest that authors don’t do their research, since many spend ridiculous amounts of time checking their facts, but their books still are works of fiction. So, when we write, instead of imitating life, our novels become imitations of other novels, effectively imitating the imitators.

Non-fiction books are your primary sources. They can give you facts, ideas, or provide little details to make your story more realistic. They present real thoughts and emotions, not just an artist’s representation. A memoir of a genocide survivor will tell you exactly how they felt when their family was murdered, not just how an author imagines people would feel.

Non-fiction has a sort of ruggedness that fiction tries to reach, but never quite can. As good as an author is, they can never really break through the reader’s knowledge that the book is simply a work of fiction. With non-fiction, there is no wall. The reader doesn’t have to suspend their disbelief, because everything is supposed to be believed. There’s something so really real about non-fiction that we as fiction writers should learn from. 

Classic of the Week: Roverandom

Since I’ve been reading a lot of classic books/poems/short stories/plays for literature classes, I decided I’d like to share some of them with you. I’ve also decided to try and read a lot of older stories over the summer, rather than just reading YA. I’m not sure exactly what my definition of ‘Classic’ will be, but it will range from Homer up to Tolkien and other 20^th century writers.

Speaking of Tolkien… I’ve decided that my first post is going to be on one of Tolkien’s little known works:

Roverandom

This is a delightful little story, short enough to be read in an hour or two (my version was only 92 pages). Tolkein wrote it after his son lost a little toy dog at the beach during a family vacation. According to Tolkien, the toy dog was actually a real dog that was enchanted by a wizard and became a toy. He then came to Tolkien’s son, was lost, got turned back into a real dog and had all sorts of adventures before he came back home.

Since this was composed and then written down for children its idea is fairly simple and reminiscent of a fairy tale. Roverandom is simply trying to return home rather than saving the universe or anything like that. It’s also not terribly fast paced; despite it’s shortness I read it over about a week. It’s certainly not like anything you’d find in the YA section of a bookstore.

And that’s okay. I absolutely loved Tolkien’s whimsical style, so different then commercial fiction. It was so relaxing to read about Roverandom’s strange adventures, fighting spiders on the moon or swimming at the bottom of the sea. Maybe it’s a kid’s book, but I certainly enjoyed it.

One thing I did love was that Tolkien puts in references to many other works. There were many allusions to Norse Mythology (I didn’t really catch those… I need to take a mythology course) and at one point Roverandom sees the shores of Faery land, also known as Valinor, the land of the Elves mentioned in The Silmarilion. As a die-hard Tolkien fan, I loved these references.

In short, Roverandom is a classic that is a really quick, fun read. It’s the perfect thing to read to little siblings or kids you’re babysitting, but also to enjoy yourself. I’d recommend it to anyone seeking an enjoyable way to spend an afternoon. 

Boring Main Characters: A Few Examples of Cool Characters

ng Over the past two weeks we’ve considered the problem of boring MCs, and what won’t fix the problem. This week we’ll take a look at a couple books that have really interesting MCs and start to figure out what makes them so fascinating.

  

Since I started out this series by bad-mouthing Twilight, it’s only fair to use another Paranormal book as a good example. In this case, let’s take a look at Evie, the MC in Kirsten White’s debut novel Paranormalcy. Evie has an unique job at the International Paranormal Containment Agency, she’s got a funny ‘voice’, and she’s got a well-developed character. She has a favourite TV show. A favourite colour (pink). A best friend. She likes to paint her walls. She has a certain taste in clothes. All these little things come together to make her a really realistic character. (annoying, perhaps, but what real person isn't annoying sometime?)

 Now let’s consider Katniss, heroine in Suzanne Collin’s The Hunger Games, which is perhaps my favourite YA book. Katniss has an interesting role in the story and a recognizable voice, she has a real personality even before she gets thrown into the Games. She likes hunting. Her father is dead. She and Gale have an interesting relationship. She wants to protect her little sister. She resents her mother. She hisses at her sister’s cat. Relationships play a dominant role in the story and from the very start of the book we already know what Katniss thinks about those close to her.

One of my favourite examples is a Fantasy published in 1937, J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit. Despite the older style of writing and the fact that this book is written in third person (rather than first like my other two examples) Bilbo’s character comes out clearly from the beginning. He completely forgets about Gandal’s promised visit, he hospitably lets the Dwarves come in to tea, he likes fireworks, and when he gets sent off on an adventure his biggest worry is that he forgot a pocket handkerchief. At Bilbo resembles a stuffy English gentleman but as the story progresses he becomes more of an adventurer; this change is part of what makes the story so interesting.

All of these stories have strong MCs and what makes them so good is that they’re not ‘flat’. They have numerous aspects to their personalities and their relationships to other characters are well defined. Next week we’ll look at how you can use small details to build up your characters.