Not Quite Graduating

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

Not with a bang, but a whimper.

---- T. S. Eliot “The Hollow Men”

To begin on a cheerful note, the lines I just quoted from Eliot’s brilliant poem kind of reflect how I’m feeling right now. I have just a week left of classes, and I’m done at King’s forever. I’ll never have these profs again, or go to classes with many of my friends. When exams end in a month, I’ll never return as an undergraduate.

There should be ceremony. There should be speeches, and prizes, and fancy black hats, and flowers. Instead, I’m just sort of leaving. After all, I’m only done third year. I’m not even graduating. And yet, because I’m going to Scotland next year, I might as well be.

Maybe this is one of the reasons they don’t advise going on exchange in your fourth year (aside from the fact that getting all your required courses done can be a headache). There’s no closure. There’s no recognition of everything I’ve accomplished at King’s. Even next year I won’t be at the May convocation with the rest of my class since I’ll still be writing exams in Scotland. I’ll have to graduate in the fall, with all the kids who needed summer school to finish up. I’m just sort of slipping away.

I don’t regret deciding to go to Scotland. I’m beyond excited to head off, and I know I’ll have an amazing time. BUT… leaving King’s is a little bitter-sweet. I’ve only been here for two years, and it feels like I’m not really quite done yet. I could do another year.

Maybe it’s a good thing to leave now, when I’m still going to look back fondly on my years at King’s. I see so many of my fourth year classmates sighing “I can’t wait to get out of here!” and I completely understand their perspectives. Four years at the same school could get a little old. For me, I’ll have attended four different universities by the time I’m done my undergrad. I’ve had so many opportunities, and no time to get tired of anything.

I’m excited to move on, but I’ll definitely miss King’s. I guess that’s how life is, constantly mediating between the past and the future. But for the present, I’ll enjoy my last month at King’s, even if that last month is spent frantically writing exams. :)

School Suggestions: It's Not All Exciting

In six week I leave home, possibly forever. Well, I’ll be home for Christmas and probably summers, but it’s likely I’ll never actually live at home again. The house that I’ve lived in for the past thirteen years will no longer be home. My room (which was finally decorated just as I wanted it) will become my sister’s. I’ll have a new apartment with a new room and new roommates and a new church and new friends, and I’ll have to cook for myself, all while trying to study at a new university….

When I take the time to think about it, I shouldn’t be worried. I’m an independent sort of person, and I don’t get homesick easily. When I was fourteen I flew to Ontario by myself and stayed with a friend for a month. Luckily, I already know a lot of people where I’m going and I have some extended family in the area. There are lots of good churches in the area so I’ll have support, and I’m sure my roommates are all going to be awesome. I’ve already gone to university for a year so I know what to expect.

Despite all that, I’m still scared. As much as I can’t help counting down the days (about a month now) until I leave, I can’t help obsessing over everything I’m leaving and worrying about what’s coming. It’s a lot harder than I had ever thought it would be. After all, I’m leaving my comfortable life with my wonderful family on the peaceful Island and moving in to busy Ontario with three people I’ve never met. Yes, I know everything’s gonna be fine, but right now it’s just a little scary.

On the other hand, it still hasn’t sunk in. I can’t imagine myself living in the apartment, not having my family around. I’ve never been to the campus so I can’t see myself in any of the classrooms or talking to the profs. Right now I’m stuck in my PEI life, working, reading, hanging out with friends, writing, etc, and despite it just being a month away, the fall term seems years away.

If you haven’t already gathered this, my emotions are in one big whirl. I know everything’s going to be alright, yet I feel worried, even while it still hasn’t sunk in yet. Moving out for university is a big deal, something I’ve been planning for all my life, and I can’t believe it’s actually happening. It’s no surprise that my brain hasn’t processed it yet. J

As for you, my lovely blog readers, are any of you starting university in the fall? Even if you’re not, I assume you’re planning for it, trying to decide what you want to study or where you want to go. It’s an exciting period, and I wish you all the best. And to help you all out in this time of transition, I’ve compiled a School Suggestions Saturday Series where I give some (hopefully) helpful tips for when you head off to university. I’m so glad I went to UPEI for this past semester, so I already know what to expect from university. I hope my experience can make some of you guys’ high school to college transitions just that much easier.